What’s the story in Ballybofey?

As a result of our Intertoto campaign a number of games had to be moved from their originally scheduled dates. One such game was the away trip to Finn Harps on Tuesday. Those of you familiar with the geography of Ireland will know that it entails a journey of two hundred and thirty kilometers and that’s only if you are taking the most direct route.

Seeing as how the game now fell on a weekday and many people were spending a fortune on our Euro trips, the club generously decided to subsidise travel. At five euro a head (for anyone with an away ticket for Rhyl) it was a steal. Of course there was a slight catch to all this in that the heating on the bus was stuck in the on position and the skylights didn’t open properly.

Only a couple of minutes after setting off from Dalymount it became apparent that the bus driver didn’t know where he was going. Instead of turning left onto Dorset street, he went straight down the North Circular, having to make a dodgy u-turn maneuver to correct his error. Before long everyone on the bus was sweating profusely and layers of skin were peeling off people’s faces with the heat. It was a relief when we stopped at a shop to stock up on ice cream and cold bottles of water.

Soon afterwards it seemed that the bus driver was lost again as we found ourselves not far from Crossmaglen. This surely wasn’t the most direct route. Never the less, after a bit of a mystery tour we were back on the right road and passing Monaghan town.

Despite the heat and the detour, there was plenty to keep the traveling support amused. One source of mirth was that a young Bohs fan had his name tattooed on his arm in Elvish. Yes you read that correctly; A fictional language from Lord of the Rings! One of the best moments was when “Dissenter” pretended to be able to translate it when in fact he had read your mans name off the list of passengers (or at least that’s what he said; I still suspect he’s fluent!). The other big laugh was Kev conducting the whole back of the bus in a variation on the “Theme from Family Guy”. This of course was in honor of the Bohs camera man who looks rather like the character Peter Griffin.

In the end we made good time, arriving in just over three and a half hours. The first pub we went into, Barrett’s, was tiny and somewhat unwelcoming. There wasn’t a soul in it and you’d think they’d be glad of the custom but the looks on their faces said otherwise. After only one pint in there we went up to O’Malley’s which was a more welcoming experience.

When we left O’Malleys it was lashing rain but thankfully it stopped by the time we made the short walk to Finn Park. Out on the open terrace we were at the mercy of the elements. During the few heavy showers we crouched under the TV gantry for shelter.

The first half was all Bohs. After a twenty minutes of domination we went ahead. Fenn flicked a through ball on for Crowe who hit it straight at the keeper. Crowey reacted quickest to the rebound and sent the ball across the goal mouth for Owen Heary to slot home his second goal in as many games. Bohs continued to have the upper hand throughout the first half and really should have put the game beyond Harps.

In the second half, Bohs sat back on the lead, perhaps dreaming of Intertoto success. At any rate it was certainly on the fans mind as we sang (to the tune of “Put ‘em under pressure”):

We’re all part of Nutsy’s army,

We’re all off to sunny Rhyll (sunny Rhyll!)

And we’ll realy shake ‘em up when we win the Intertoto cup

’cause Bohs are the greatest football team

As you can imagine, “Intertoto” didn’t exactly trip off the tongue there and a few times the song broke up into sporadic laughter.

In the last fifteen minutes Harps really got into the game and applied some serious pressure. We were probably lucky not to concede during that period. In injury time however, Harps started to look worn out and we started to counter-attack with some success. On one such foray forward Neale Fenn exchanged a one-two with Jason Byrne before forcing his way into the box. The Harps keeper brought him down and Byrne stepped up to score from the penalty. There was no way back for Harps. Shortly after the re-start, the final whistle went and some smoke cannisters were released. The celebrations and the song about being off to sunny Rhyl got underway again.

The singing continued on the bus, along with some rapping from Kev “Slim Shady” Brannigan. Dissenter, Jimmy and Spainer gave us their best rendition of “I will survive” and FlynnerBohs was going to give us a song but just went red. For my part, I updated my Bohs version of The Jam’s “That Entertanment”.

Going one nil down at home,

Coming back and winning five one,

Back in the bar listening to Welsh Elvis,

Now we’re all off to sunny Rhyl,

I said That’s Intertoto, That’s Intertoto…

Kendall in the wind

It wasn’t the most glamorous of European draws but when it was announced that we were to play Rhyll FC of Wales in the opening round of the Intertoto cup, most Bohs fans saw progression to the next round as a sure thing. While the win was convincing enough in the end, there were some hairy moments, particularly for one punter who had six hundred euro on the outcome!

Pre-match pints were re-located to Hedigans due to a UEFA rule about alcohol being served in the ground before games. On my way up there I met a Rhyl fan who was having a smoke outside “The Celt” in Talbot St. I told him to head up there and bring his mates but he was so drunk he could barely talk and I’m not sure he got what I was on about.

After pints in Hedigans (and an incident with a Pineapple) we headed up to Dalyer and took up our usual spot on the steps. There was a great roar as the teams came out and that special European atmosphere that I hadn’t felt for a few years was back in the air. Everyone was buoyed by the surprise return from injury of Kevin Hunt who went on to play eighty minutes of the game.

In the early stages Rhyl were running about like men possessed. They were winning every tackle, chasing every ball and stopping Bohs from making any headway. Bohs looked apathetic. It seemed the team came out expecting another Drogheda Town scenario. The Welsh side’s endeavor paid off after twenty five minutes when Ken Oman put into his own net (though at the time the goal was credited to Rhyl’s Mark Connolly). Their fans were ecstatic and nearly lifted the roof off the shed. For the rest of the half Rhyl huffed and puffed and blew down every house that Bohs tried to build. Bohs only real chance fell to Joxer Kelly who looked like he had scored but somehow conspired to hit the post from four yards. It was looking glum, especially for the six hundred euro punter.

With the bar not opened, half time seemed to drag on forever. Everyone looked miserable apart from a few lads in section G who were getting over excited about the kids game that was taking place during the break. Meanwhile in the dressing room (so I heard later) Nutsy Fenlon was giving the team the hairdryer treatment. Whatever he said, it must have worked because it was a different Bohs side in the second half.

The home side opened the second half on the attack and the red and black army in the stand upped the ante on the noise front. When Rhyl keeper, Lee Kendall deliberately got Killian Brennan booked by flinging himself onto the ground he begame the object of a hurricane of abuse from the Bohs faithful. This didn’t let up for the rest of the game and it clearly got to him.

When Jason Byrne equalised from a free kick on fifty three minutes the chants of “Dodgy Keeper, Dodgy Keeper” began. As Bohs turned the screw on the visitors Kendall couldn’t go anywhere near the ball without whistles and shouts and chants of “You fat b@st@rd”. When Owen Heary headed home from a Fenn cross on sixty, it was obvious there was only going to be one outcome to the game and that it would be painful for the two hundred or so “Lillywhites” who made the trip accross the Irish sea.

Killian Brennan exacted revenge on Kendall when he scored from the spot to make it three after being taken down by the keeper. Neale Fenn added the fourth after some sloppy defending and by the time substitute Glen Crowe added the fifth Rhyl had given up. Lee Kendall’s battle with the fans wasn’t finished though and after more abuse and ironic chants of “super keeper” any time he managed to hold on to the ball he slipped off his glove to give us the finger.

When the final whistle blew, the Welsh side and their fans were completely deflated but they picked themselves up to applaud each other, while Lee Kendall came over and applauded us. He probably forgot for a moment that we’ll be a few meters behind him for forty five minutes on Saturday.

While we were putting away the flags we spoke to some Rhyl fans including “Welsh Elvis”. They told us that Kendal is notorious in Wales as a wind up merchant and that when he played for Barry Town, the Rhyl supporters hated him.

Back in the bar we got to see the last ten minutes of Russia and the Netherlands along with the whole lot of extra time. Later on Welsh Elvis did a rendition of “The wonder of you” while our very own “SmokeyBohs” did his best Johnny Logan impression with “Hold me now”. The return leg is next Saturday but tomorrow (Tuesday) we’re back to the bread and butter of the league with a trip to Ballybofey to face Finn Harps.

Didn’t he used to play women’s tennis?

“El Cuervo’s flag in the members bar”

Bohs beat Drogheda Town 3-0. There isn’t much to say about the game. Victory was inevitable. We expected to win by more but it matters little. We go into the two week summer break, with six wins on the spin, top of the league and still in the FAI and League cups. We couldn’t have asked for much better than that.

Before the game I met up with some Drogheda friends in the Beer garden at Heddigans. Most of the talk revolved around tomorrow’s planning ruling on Drogheda United’s new ground. If it goes against the Drogs then they are in big trouble. United Park has already been rezoned residential and at any rate it doesn’t meet the licensing criteria. Drogheda’s meteoric rise to the summit of Irish football could, if this ruling goes against them be just a footnote in the history of our game.

What grates with the Drogheda fans I know is that because the new ground is to be just across the border in Meath, councilors from as far afield as Trim, Navan, Dunshaughlin and Dunboyne will be making the decision. Not only is it not really anything to them, but most of those places are staunch GAA country. Some can smell a conspiracy.

The rest of the conversation focused on the twenty euro that Al and Wheelo (Who once again had some excuse not to be there!) will have to give me at the end of the season. Last weekend on a night out for my cousin’s birthday they both bet me that Drogheda would finish ahead of Bohs. They gave me even money which was good business on my part but I’m sure they could have done far better in the bookies.

As I mentioned the lads in question were Drogheda United fans, but having only traveled to Cork last week to see their side play Cobh Ramblers they gave another trip to the Rebel county a miss (Drogheda played non-league Douglas Hall) to watch Leinster Senior League Drogheda Town play the biggest game in their history against Bohs.

I had a tenner on Killian Brennan to get the first goal at 12/1 but he didn’t oblige against the team his brother play for. Instead it was Joxer Kelly who broke the deadlock in the fourteenth minute. From here on in Bohs set up camp in the visitor’s half. After Liam Burns took a knock, Nutsy went all experimental and switched to a 3-4-3 formation with substitute Jason Byrne as the extra attacker. It should have been a deluge of goals from there but a combination of poor finishing from the Bohs attack and good goalkeeping from the humorously named Gabriel Sabbatini meant that the scoreline was kept at three, Byrne bagging two second half goals.

Sabbatini is a curiosity for more than the fact his name sounds like that of a former women’s tennis great. A glance at the programme revealed that he is a product of the Lazio academy. He went from there to Drogheda United’s under twenty ones before pursuing a career as a bricklayer and playing Leinster Senior League football for Town.

While may main interest in the game wained after Joxer made my first goalscorer bet redundant, another Bohs fan had plenty of reason to bite his nails towards the end. Pats had €100 on Bohs to bag more than two at 6/5. Every shot on target, every little chance in the last ten minutes was a potential heart attack for him and the source of some amusement for the rest of us. It got too much for him and he left the steps to take up a seat near the half-way line. When Byrne finally bagged the third goal with three minutes to go, Pats ran back to the steps with arms aloft.

I hadn’t intended on sticking around for long after the game but the fact that it was our last game for a few weeks swayed me into staying until the death. That and by becoming progressively more inebriated I had less will power in reserve to just get up and go. Myself Jimmy, Deane and Lenny were talking about the move to Harristown. We all feel its imperative that the ground has a cheap terraced end to attract more fans and improve the atmosphere.

After the usual great music in the long bar was finished we went down to the members bar where we can usually avail of one more drink. To our horror the shutters were down. There was some dissent but to no avail. Then it was off to abrekebabra where after we had eaten one person (who had slept through the dissent in the bar) tried to get the bill. The staff were confused. “I want to pay for the two of us” he continued. It took them some time to convince him he’d already paid.

So thats that for another two weeks in terms of football but I’ll still be blogging here on Bohs related issues so be sure to check in now and then. When the football is back its the start of our European campaign and the tie against League of Wales side Rhyll. Lets go fckin loco, we’re going Intertoto!”

Bohs fans do it better…

Blog that is!

For the second consecutive month, a Bohs fan blogger has been awarded Blog of the Month in When Saturday Comes! This time the plaudits go to Steve D for his “A Gambling Journey” which is hosted on the unofficial Bohs site bohs.ie. Bohs are currently top of the league in football terms and in terms of writing we’re certainly out on our own. Not only can we point to A gambling journey and last months BOTM Obsessed! (self praise is no praise I’ve been told!) but last year Bionic Bohs nostalgic look at following Bohs in the 1970′s and Bohsman‘s tale of a Scottish man supporting the gypsies were nominated for best sports blog at Irish blog awards.

Recently we’ve seen a promising start from another Bohs blog called The 109, the story of two young Bohs fans living in Meath. Of course no whistle stop tour of the web based Bohs litterazzi would be complete without a mention of Peader Seary’s excellent retelling of past european adventures on bohs.ie.

Last but not least, the official club site site has undergone vast improvements both in style and content over the last year.

Thinking of a Song for Killian Brennan

He’s got seven goals this year so far making him the league’s top scorer. He’s the best dead ball man we’ve had for years. Yet Killian Brennan may be wondering if he’s not as popular as some other players in the side. The problem is, Killian has no song. Crowe has “start spreading the news”, Hunty has “Kevin Hunts a legend”, Fenn has “Strippers and Whores” and even the perennially under performing Joxer Kelly has a song. Why is it so difficult to think of a song for Killian Brennen? Well its not the easiest name to fit into one. I mean there is nothing as obvious as “he’s going to score a goal for us, Glen Crowe, Glen Crowe”. I did think of one to the tune of Disco 2000 by pulp but after running it by the quality control department in my head, it was quickly discarded.

Last night once again it was the songless wonder and Neale Fenn who were the heroes for Bohs. Killian bagged his sixth and seventh goals while Fenny got his fourth. If we could only get Crowe and Byrne scoring now I don’t think anyone could catch us.

It was a scorcher of a day yesterday and I left work early as I felt like sitting out in a beer garden with a pint bottle of bulmers (like the wife says, I’m a marketers dream). I sent out a calling all cars text and went up to Heddigans in Phibsboro. Officer Branno responded to my call and we had a couple of pints there. The downside of course was that despite Heddigans having the only decent beer garden for miles around, they don’t sell bottles! I always forget this when I pay a rare visit (invariably on Sunny days). I had to settle for a pint and its just not the same. I finally got my pint bottle in Dalyer but sadly no beer garden despite all those outside seats.

It felt a bit odd with the quarter past seven kick off and despite being forewarned, I was taken by surprise finishing my cider when the game kicked off. Bohs had the better of the early exchanges, passing the ball around neatly and creating a few chances. It looked like we could repeat the tree nil of last season.

Indeed the opener came as early as the fifteenth minute with Fenn hit a sweet twenty five yard effort after a snazzy one two with Brennan. It looked like we were setting them up for a route. Then little by little the obvious happened. We sat back and what was shaping up to be a good game went dead. The first half petered out but we still looked comfortable enough.

In the second half Sligo threw everything at us. Cretaro and O’Grady linked up well to cause us a few problems and you could see an equaliser on the horizon. It never materialised though and when Joxer was taken down in the box in the 82nd minute, the ever reliable Killian Brennan stepped up to take it. There was a lot of celebration when the referee pointed to the spot and I just had a horrible feeling he was going to miss it. Thankfully my hunch was wrong. 2-0. Game over.

A few minutes later Brennan made it three when a clearance from Peers deflected off him and went into the net. It might not have been his best goal ever but you can see he’s enjoying scoring with such frequency. The game kicked off again and we chanted “we want four”. At one stage we sang “Seanie Connor, you’re a w__ker” hoping the Sligo fans would join in but when they didn’t respond we sang “We hate Connor more than you”. The fourth goal never came but when the whistle went for full time we were happy campers.

Back in the bar afterwards a lot of the usual faces were missing. My theory is that they went down to the bars around Croke Park in the hope of picking up desperate middle aged women who’d been at the Celine Dion concert. Wherever Jimmy went, he’ll be disappointed that he wasn’t there when DJ Mono finally played “Free Nelson Mandela”.

As usual it all gets a bit hazy after this. I remember talking to Tommy T about FC St Pauli. He was saying they have a terraced section with a bring your own cans policy and that would be a way of increasing our attendances and improving the atmosphere. Its a great idea but it will never happen. Even if the board ok’d it (which they won’t) the cops would never allow it.

When the night was over, and we’d been to abrakebabra, it was time to head for the sleeping bus to Drogheda. This morning I woke up with another idea for a Killian Brennan song which this time complied with my internal quality control standards. Maybe, just maybe, Killian will have his own song when he faces his brother and his old club, non league Drogheda town in the FAI cup next Friday.

We Are Top of the League!

Its hard to believe that we are top of the league for the first time in five years. As the fourth official put up his board to show four minutes of injury time on Tuesday night some people were chanting it. I couldn’t. Me and Jimmy who was standing beside me looked away. Pats threw everything at us for the last few minutes but thanks to resolute defending got nowhere. Still, it was pretty hairy for a while.

You never know what to expect from a Bohs/Pats Derby. Games between the two teams in recent years got a rep for being 0-0 bore draws but over the last couple of seasons there has generally always been a winner and loser. Last season we played them four times between League and cup and we came out on top three times, with the odd game out finishing 0-0. In this season’s home opener Pats got revenge for last season, thanks to a Keith Fahey wonder strike.

With this being a top of the table clash, most people were expecting a cagey 0-0 draw. On recent form I fancied us to win it but wasn’t over confident. I certainly wasn’t taking my hunch to the bookies, thats for sure.

After work, I met Luke and Kev at Dalyer to collect the flags. We decided to cut out the hassle of lugging them onto a bus and got a taxi. The taxi driver was a former Ireland youth international who played alongside current Bohs top scorer Killian Brennan at that level. He was eager to have a chat about the league and find out what we thought of certain players. He also wanted to know if we knew a female Bohs fan that he had picked up a couple of times in his cab. She didn’t sound familiar. At any rate, going by his description, I’m sure I would have noticed If I saw her.

When we pulled up across from McDowell’s the ticket office wasn’t opened so we went straight in for a few jars. McDowell’s is a staunch Pats pub but it says much of the nature of our rivalry when you compare it to Rovers that we never have any hassle in there. Last October after we’d beat them for the second time in two weeks we were in McDowell’s until 2am with nothing but friendly banter between the two sets of fans. Thats not to say we don’t wind them up about Inchicore’s reputation for being full of junkies. Its all part of the fun.

After the few pints it was time to head in and mark our territory for the night. Red and black flags went up all along the front and back of the “West Stand”, an uncovered temporary structure behind one of the goals. The Bohs head steward took exception to one that had the motto “Perverts of Society” (Not the old casuals flag) and the silhouettes of two pole dancers and took it down. I’m not sure who he was expecting to take offense. Its hardly the worst thing that ever appeared on a football flag.

When the game kicked off, the people who predicted a 0-0 borefest seemed to be right. Pats had all the possession but our ever solid defence meant they were getting nowhere near Brian Murphy’s goal. The atmosphere from the Bohs end was poor. Six or Seven of us at the back of the steps behind the goal tried to get things going but to no avail. I can understand from the point of view that the team weren’t playing well but sometimes a vibrant crowd can lift the team.

I suppose we have our high expectations to blame. If they are not being met and the football is not of the standard we got used to earlier in the decade, people get grumpy. I often notice that fans of teams with no expectations sing for the majority of the ninety minutes. This used to be the case with Drogheda United before they started winning trophies and now they are as grumpy as the rest of the elite.

As the half time whistle blew a discontented mutter rippled across the west stand. It was time to take a leak and as I stood in the queue for the dilapidated concrete building that passes for a toilet I bumped into former Pats and Cork manager, TV pundit Pat Dolan. I’d seen him in the airport in Manchester the day after the Uefa cup final so I decided to ask him if he enjoyed it. Apparently he had a great time. I went on to say I’d seen him engrossed in conversation with John Delaney. “You should have come over and rescued me!” he laughed.

Back on the steps, the second half kicked off. Little by little the atmosphere improved and soon there were two sections of the stand united in song. All the junkie songs along with Bohs favourites old and new got an airing. I don’t know if it was the improved atmosphere or a bollockin’ from Nutsy at the break but the team were much improved.

On 51 minutes Crowe received a pass in space from Jason Byrne, playing out of position on the right wing. Wth plenty of time to spare he measured a low cross to perfection and Killian Brennan slid in to net his fifth of the season. He’s joint top scorer in the league at this stage, not bad for a winger.

From here on in Pats were on top possession wise but Bohs seemed happy to play the percentages game. Indeed Nutsy’s tactics almost paid off on the double when after a quick counter attack, Brennan set Fenn up with what really should have been number two. Fenn seemed to hesitate before hitting the ball straight at Barry Ryan’s legs. By the time the rebound came to him there were a few Pats players on the line and Fenn screwed his shot wide.

For the most part the Bohs midfield and defence kept Pats at arms length but that hairy period of injury time ensued. I was very relieved when the final whistle blew and finally felt comfortable chanting;

WE ARE TOP OF THE LEAGUE,

SAID WE ARE TOP OF THE LEAGUE!

LukeO Give us a wave…

LukeO works most Friday nights. That at least is his excuse for missing most home games. Last night however another theory emerged. Shortly before a quarter to eight as the Bohs team entered the pitch, they were joined by someone in a big foam Dennis the menace suit. It was our new mascot. As “Dennis” walked down the sideline in front of F&G someone started the chant “LukeO give us a wave…” upon which “Dennis” turned and waved to the crowd. A big cheer went up. This scenario was repeated every time the mascot passed in front of us. The upshot was that many people really believed it was Luke.

After beating Cork last Sunday there was a feeling that we should go out and give Galway United a hiding. They’re bottom of the league but are nowhere near as bad as their league position entails. Under new manager Jeff Kenna, they’ve been slowly turning things around and got their first win of the season last week against UCD.

It was against this background that a confident Galway United support turned up at Dalymount. There was complimentary finger food in the Phoenix bar to repay the hospitality that we are usually shown by the Galway United Supporters Trust in Foxes when we travel to them. My Galway friend Brian showed up, having grown a beard to disguise his Stuey Byrne likeness.

After a couple of pints it was time to take our place on the steps. This weeks colour was more or less the same as last week, with the two sticks and wavey flags. Nothing to extravagant as some of our more pro-active members have been doing exams of late. The singing was sporadic in the first half. Not as good as last week but by no means the tumbleweed magnet that was the atmosphere at previous home games this year.

Galway’s confidence turned out to be well founded. They were very well organised and dominated the first half. Derek O’Brien was proving a handful for the Bohs midfield and both him and Mark Leech went close to scoring. Shortly before the interval though, as we were about to head in for half time Beers, Bohs were awarded a free kick in an enticing position. Killian Brennan stepped up and once again reminded us of why he’s on the pitch with a beautifully floated pass to the head of Neal Fenn. Fenn headed it against off the post and into the net with Galway keeper Gary Rogers flapping around helplessly. On the way into the bar I texted Brian. “You must feel robbed…”

In the second half Bohs looked a bit steadier and slightly shaded the play. Byrne, Fenn and Rossiter all went close to scoring. In the sixty ninth minute however, Galway equalised. After Bohs failed to clear the ball, Leech collected a pass and capitalised on a defensive mix up to fire home for the visitors. The goal was not a header as two match reports I read have said but a pile driving half volley. The writers of those pieces were probably distracted by the “Dennis” mascot and decided among themselves how the goal was scored.

At that point I was wishing I had a blackberry so I could stick a few quid on Bohs to win. I don’t know why, but I was very confident we would strike again. Strike again we did (as Yoda might say) twelve minutes from time. A fluffed Harpal Singh shot came off the head of Wes Charles to force a corner. Fenn’s corner was poorly defended and Liam Burns was unmarked to bundle the ball into the net. After that, it was never likely that Galway would pick themselves up to force another equaliser. When the final whistle went we celebrated the win but knew there was a touch of good fortune about it.

Back in the bar, several people asked me if the mascot was really LukeO. I gave the game away by laughing but in all honesty I have no conclusive evidence to say it wasn’t. He came into the bar an hour later he looked suitably embarrassed when I asked him if it as hot inside the suit, and others chanted “LukeO give us a wave”. After several giant bottles of Becks, it was time to stumble to my bus. I’ve no idea what number it is but handily enough my stop is the last one so I can just stick in the headphones and sleep for the journey.

This coming week is a big one as we have two league games. On Tuesday we have Pats at Richmond Park. They maintained their two point gap over us at the top with a win away to Sligo on Friday so a win would see us take top spot. Then on Friday we’re at home to Sligo. Seeing as these are the last two league games before the ten day summer break, two wins would see us nicely set up for a title run in.

Stay Onside!

Onside magazine is a new publication focusing on Irish football. Its a steal at €4 for 57 pages of full colour quality coverage of the Eircom League of Ireland and the international team. Its available from ELOI club shops, Easons and some other newsagents.

Its happening again…

There was a full moon in the sky last night. All right thinking football fans stayed indoors. This was not just any full moon, it coincided with the perverted satanic ritual of donning red or blue shirts and praying to the gods of greed, excess and corporate entities that just happen to have football teams.

Shortly after ten o’clock the hunchbacks, aborti and other freaks of nature got off their couches and bar-stools, dragged their knuckles outdoors, raised their great mis-shapen arms to the sky and howled at the moon. The ones in blue were cursing their gods for their misfortune while those in reds were jubilant. They got out their prayer mats, faced their temple to the east and sang “Glory, glory Man Utd”.

What glory. What a moment it must have been last night as Anelka stepped up to take that fateful penalty. Imagine the tension as all those fresh replica jerseys, still creased from being folded in the package, glistened beneath the lights of bars, lounges and sitting rooms all over Ireland. Imagine the moment that the ball left Anelka’s boot and careered towards the goal. Then, just the split second before Van De Saar saved, the realisation dawning on everyone across the land of what was about to occur. In slow motion the red arms begin to ascend, the blue heads descend and sink into hands. What emotion. What glory hunting opportunism.

Its a sad indictment of the Irish football fan that the vast majority of them can invest such emotion in what is nothing but a corporate brand. The old identity of the club they supposedly support and the real fans that have been driven away from the grounds by high prices and “soccer” tourists in jester hats means nothing to the majority of these people. Most of them know nothing about football before the Premiership. Most have never been to a game of their chosen team or at least no more than once. The vast majority would close their curtains if their local league of Ireland team was playing on the green in front of the house.

When they come into work and talk about how “we did this” and “we did that” I don’t envy them. I pity them. These deluded souls can never feel how I did on Sunday evening at a quarter to nine (well spotted 2IC) when Mark Rossiter scored that twenty five yard winner against Cork City. “”What are you on about?” asks Igor “WE won the champions league final!” Fantastic, but why invest so much emotion in a team who’s home ground is over two hundred kilometers from your home and you have to get a boat or plane to get there? Why care about a bunch of over paid mercenaries who play for a club owned by American or Russian businessmen who certainly don’t care about you. Why get annoyed when a team you have only seen play on TV lose?

The League of Ireland fan on the other hand invests time, money and emotion in their team. Many clubs are owned by the fans. They go to the games, week in week out. Win lose or draw they’ll be there. The hard core will follow their team the length and breadth of the country to away games. Your club is a big part of your social life. Its kind of like Cheers. “You want to go where everybody knows your name”. You can talk to members of the board, hell, you can even run for election to the board. You meet the players around and they stop and talk to you. Your club is not just a commodity, its a way of life. That’s why the bar-stooler will never understand the feeling we get when our team scores against even the weaker opposition and why it is immeasurably better than cheering on a multinational corporation.

Take Me Up To Monto

Photo by Dean Taaffe

Its been a strange week since the trip to Cobh. On Wednesday my Cousin, Fab and I traveled to Manchester for the UEFA cup final. We’d had all sorts of warnings about going as Rangers were in the final. They eat their babies, they’ll burn you as a witch, you’ll go straight to hell, etc. etc. Long story short, we got back in one piece despite me winding one of their number up about a certain result in 1984.

On Sunday afternoon I was all revved up to go. We were at home to a Cork side favoured by a lot of pundits pre-season as title contenders but now falling away from the pack. They really needed a result. Bohs manager, Pat “Nutsy” Fenlon said in an interview that he wanted the fans to create the kind of atmosphere that we do at away games. I decided to step up and take the challenge so I had a beer with my lunch, then another on the train and a couple in the bar before the game. I clearly wasn’t the only one who took this call to arms seriously and one particular desperate dan lookalike went way beyond the call of duty. More on that later.

Before the game some members of the NBB were told by security that anyone caught with smoke cannisters would be escorted out and banned. This was because of a measilly €100 fine for smoke the previous week. It might be seen in a different light if the club themselves weren’t needlessly wasting money in oh so many ways. People in glass houses… But lets have no more of that because we’re all Bohs fans in it together aren’t we?

Out pitchside, the NBB got the flags ready. There were some new wavey flags stitched up by the NBB member with the smallest fingers. As the teams came out, there was plenty of colour and some till rolls were thrown for a bit of, well, paper. The singing got started with “We are Bohs” but the team took their time getting started. When they did though they served up some fine fare.

Before that however Cork put on a bit of pressure. Cork’s best chance of the half fell to Mooney who, after being put through one on one with the keeper was bested by Brian Murphy between the Bohs sticks, a fine save with his legs. After that Bohs clicked into gear. Neal Fenn showed off the silky skills and the endeavor that have turned him from villain to fans favourite overnight.

The first clear chance for Bohs however fell to Glen Crowe. Joxer Kelly put in a superb pass and the barely marked Crowe will be disappointed he didn’t connect well with it. He had a second chance on the rebound but he had already lost his balance and was careering towards the hallowed turf.

We didn’t have to wait long for the first goal though. In the thirty fourth minute Neal Fenn was proving such a handful for his former team mates that they had to bring him down. As Killian Brennan composed himself, the fans sang “Come on Boh-ez, come on”. Brennan floated in a Killer cross that was met by the head of the by now omnipotent Fenn. “Strippers and Whores…” you know the rest by now. 1-0. Get the flags and wave them about. “Everybody dance now”. Everybody danced.

We were coasting and we saw out the rest of the first half firmly in control. At half time we took the opportunity to stock up on atmosphere fuel. How it worked. In the second half the steps were swinging. The seated folk in Section F even stood “up for the Bohemians” on a number of occasions. The trumpet bit from Geno got aired (see previous entry) and then, in a moment of genius, the suitably inspired Desperate Dan launched into a chorus of a song popularised by The Dubliners…

Take me up to Monto,

Monto, Monto,

Take me up to Monto langeroo.

To You.

It caught on and was sung over and over. Its a keeper for sure.

All was going to plan. Bohs were cruising, Cork were nowhere. The Jodi was swinging thanks to liquid inspiration and a stroke of genius. Confident, we sang “we’re going to win the league”. Then, not long after the hour mark, the balance of power on the pitch changed. Whether it was tiredness on the part of Bohs or a resurgence on the part of Cork, or more probably a bit of both, the leesiders grabbed the game by the scruff of the neck. Cronin and O’Donnell who up to this point had made Gamble, Georgie and co look like schoolboys faded a little and Cork had about ten minutes of dominance. This period bore fruit in the form of a George O’Callaghan free kick on the left, deflected into his own net by Owen Heary.

Things went silent for a moment but soon we cleared our throats and sang some more. Nutsy made some substitutions. Rossiter came on for Kelly and Byrne came on for man of the match, Neal Fenn. It was the two substitutes that combined for the winner. After a spot of head tennis, Byrne flicked the ball onto Rossi, who buried the ball in the back of the net from around twenty five yards. Out with the flags, someone released a smoke and I cut my leg on a seat jumping up and down.

Photo by Dean Taaffe

Despite one nervy moment where Cork fluffed a chance towards the end, we held onto the lead. The final whistle was met with more flag waving, smoke, singing, dancing and other such outbursts of joy. Nutsy brought the team down to applaud the fans in F&G. They’d clearly appreciated the effort as much as we appreciated theirs. There was a confidence among the fans – once again we sang about winning the league, and a swagger among the players. It reminded me somewhat of the trophy laden good old days. Could it be? Is there something special in the air down Dublin seven way?

Now we’re only two points off St. Pats and we play Galway at home next week. My friend Brian the Galway fan who has his own little Stuey Byrne look-a-like fan club among the Bohs fans who traveled to Terryland last May will be there for a few jars after the game. Lets hope he’s drowning his sorrows!